I want to be clear. I didn’t lose someone on 9/11, but on Wednesday I was thinking of how it would feel today, all these years later, for someone who did.
For four episodes now, influencers and commentators and YouTube talking heads have been trashing Hal Jordan, saying he’s old, bitter, an asshole, a drunk.
They are all wrong.
Hal Jordan is not old, he’s experienced in a crucial way that people are missing.
He’s not bitter, he’s watching everyone and making assessments lightning quick in the moment and enacting plans before anyone else catches on to him.
He’s not an asshole, he’s playing everyone with an act that conceals exactly how deep and thoughtful and heroic his actions are.
See, Hal doesn’t care about being a hero, doesn’t give a damn about acting or looking the part. He does what is right, what is needed, and being perceived as washed up lets him do that more efficiently than anyone else involved.
For example, he’s not a drunk, he’s using the smoke and mirrors of claiming to drink all the time, and being “found” in bars and strip joints as a way serve justice as he sees it needs to be done. He’s not a role model for the world like Superman. He’s a space cop whose beat includes Earth.
He’s Columbo, the famous 1970’s TV detective who played a buffoon, appearing baffled right up to the moment he arrested the guilty and explained the whole case brilliantly.
That’s right, Hal Jordan, Green Lantern is Space Columbo.
Hal Jordan, Space Columbo. And the 1970’s Columbo. Similarities abound.
And everyone is too busy judging Hal and tearing him down to see what he’s actually doing. That was Columbo’s specialty every episode.
The Venn diagram between these two is almost a full circle:
both avoid their official uniforms unless absolutely necessary, opting instead for rumbled, worn out clothes that present an unimpressive visual to those with whom they interact, encouraging negative judgments;
both behave in ways designed to annoy; they suggest shoddy unprofessionalism, the better to be underestimated;
each embraces uncouth habits—drinking for Hal, cigars for Columbo—which re-enforces a sense of annoying unprofessionalism, perhaps even a loser addict sensibility;
both investigators never seem to be investigating although nothing escapes them;
each will act surprised or distracted while gathering information and evidence;
and both will act with surprising efficiency when the moment warrants it.
Hal Jordan wasn’t drunk in a strip bar when that government official let slip the location of the arms dealer. He planted himself there because he knew that official’s appetites, then plied said source with drink and shop talk up to the moment he gave up the criminal’s location. It is reported that Hal immediately dropped the act and sped to said location. Once there, he demonstrated extremely fast, clear efficiency that would have been impossible if he had been inebriated. In seconds, he encased the thugs in a bubble so they couldn’t shoot him, destroyed the mansion so they had nowhere to hide and no access to bigger weapons, then swept up the bad guy that at least two governments were allowing to roam free, and flew off, dropping him very publicly at Guantanamo, forcing the U.S. to act. Why? Because it was the right thing to do.
By the way, he did all this with no knowledge of John Stewart’s existence, let alone his sniper assignment. What the military did in response (meaning to cover up their involvement) is not Hal’s responsibility—he did what they didn’t, he brought the criminal to justice.
What supports all of this supposition? Hal’s behavior in the Rushville bar. He isn’t drunk there, he’s annoying, on purpose, and in multiple ways.
He is annoying to John Stewart as part of his plan to push his trainee to think on his own, not the way his parents or the military trained him to think. Hal suspects John Stewart is being molded into an unthinking soldier, and he knows that will get a good man killed. Hal believes it is his responsibility to prevent that from happening.
And Hal is annoying to the bar patrons to cause a fight so he can get arrested and there by being placed closer to that alien he suspects is a danger to the entire town. And while his plan seems dumb, it puts events in motion that eventually place him across a table from said alien, allowing Hal to reveal him for what he is and, once the alien self-detonates, save the town from destruction.
He does all this while maintaining the disrespect of just about everybody, Columbo-style.
By his own design, Hal Jordan comes across as a burned out sloppy loudmouth wise ass has been, just like Columbo did every week in the 70’s. Meanwhile, Hal is ahead of everyone in figuring out what is actually going on in Rushville and with John Stewart, partially because his “gut it never wrong” and partially because he’s the most observant person in the room. Just like Columbo.
Yes, the Sheriff seems ahead of him for awhile but she has information and perspective she’s not sharing with him. He finds out anyway.
Yes, Macon seems to have the upper hand as far as firepower and clout, but that is mostly because Hal has chosen to do little if anything with the ring so far. To paraphrase Hal, use of the ring is the whole show, so giving away how much he can do before it needs to be done helps no one. Once again, he underplays his hand, Columbo style.
And yes, John Stewart seems designed to be a better Green Lantern than Hal, but only if you perceive the job as requiring a paramilitary yes man. Actual Green Lanterns are most often working alone far from back-up. The job literally demands independent thinking, an indomitable will, and the courage to overcome all fear, three things John has not been trained for…until he starts working with Hal Jordan. Every slight Hal deals him is tailored to force John to reassess what he thinks he knows, his self-perception, his definition of what is right beyond what his orders are.
John doesn’t seem to get this yet, but he does recognize that he’s being lied to by almost everybody. Once he finally puts it all together for himself, Hal style, he’s going to be a formidable Green Lantern indeed.
And that is what Hal’s been training John for throughout this whole case…Columbo style.
Oh, and, uh, just one more thing: that is what everyone is missing about Lanterns.
This Sunday, Tell The Damn Story dives into LANTERNS and the challenges of writing IPs. Alex Simmons and I will explore respecting legacy and the harrowing dangers of taking authorial risks with an IP that’s made some big company profits for decades. This one’s a bit intense. Available this Sunday on YouTube and as audio wherever you get your podcasts (unless you’re trying to listen from Oa—in that case, good luck).
The handle toward my hand? Come, let me clutch thee.
I have thee not, and yet I see thee still.
Art thou not, fatal vision, sensible
To feeling as to sight? or art thou but
A dagger of the mind, a false creation,
Proceeding from the heat-oppressed brain?
—William Shakespeare, Macbeth
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Hi, I’m Christopher Ryan, a hybrid author with forty years of experience in journalism, education, sketch comedy, indie film, unions, community service, parenting, public speaking, acting, podcasting, and, most often, writing fiction, poetry, and pop culture essays. Now I’m working to discover what more I can achieve and share with the world, and whether an older author can find a place in the storytelling business. Together, let’s see what’s possible.
***
NEWSish Stuff
Appearances
No upcoming bookings. For now.
***
This Week’s Tell The Damn Story Features a double episode with John Collins
We’ve been working on this one for awhile because John Collins’ story is one every aspiring writer and/or creative should hear. And we let him tell it. Here is an author of exceptional talent that did not know he truly had it in him but tried anyway. An author who got serious about writing a bit later in life and found a way. A storyteller who is largely self-taught, who listened to key advice from talented friends, and invested in himself with time and belief and self-discipline. An author whose hard work and dedication and study of his influences is now paying off in great tales that are beginning to catch on.
Warm, funny, and heartfelt, these dual episode s will entertain, inform, and, hopefully, inspire you to check out this emerging author’s worthwhile work.
Soul Scream Antholozine – Madness Takes Its Toll gets its first five star rating
Last week we released it, and we’ve already gotten a five star rating on Amazon. Thank you to whomever posted it. And yes, we encourage all of you to check out this feast of fun and post your ratings as well!
*** Even as I’m marketing Soul Scream Antholozine, the next project is in the works
I love the eighth issue of Souls Scream Antholozine, this one called Madness Takes Its Toll as it deals with a wide array of emotional trauma and, yes, insanity. If you follow my socials, you’ll see more promo for SSA as the days and weeks follow, but here at the home office, we’re already working on the next projects.
Okay, I’m working on them. Sonny Mehlman is laying around near me claiming he’s doing security.
The Security Chief hard at work.
Isabella Crumple is hanging out wherever she damn pleases alleging she is working on the marketing campaign that will catapult (I see what she did there) us to the top of bestseller lists around the world.
The marketing genius, hard at work.
Meanwhile, I’m at the keyboard every day writing short pieces of fiction to submit, columns to post, and editing our Next Big Thing.
What is it, you may ask?
A pulp anthology.
I’ve always loved the pulp genre, and suspect that everything I write be it novels, Soul Scream, poetry or what have you, always have a streak of pulp coursing through it. This time, there’s no hiding it.
Resurrected from a project Alex Simmons and I were preparing for another publisher (which fell through as many projects do), over the last year or so I grew more and more obsessed with the possibility of these beloved heroes fighting an evil that is still very present today.
After many iterations, and edits, the title is The Fight Never Ends!
Wanna know the authors and characters they are going to be writing? Here we go:
The fun takes off with an introduction by Jim Beard
Alex Simmons will be writing Blackjack and Secret Agent-X
I’m writing Sally the Sleuth
Jon Frater is bringing back Captain Zero
Bobby Nash is gracing us with a new Domino Lady adventure
James Chambers is doing a pulp turn on The Heap
Charles Barouch is writing The Moon Man
And Thomas Sniegoski and Jeannine Acheson will bring all home with Grim Death
These are mostly public domain, except for Alex’s Blackjack character and Thomas Sniegoski’s Grim Death. We believe the public domain characters deserve more time in the spotlight, and are immensely grateful to Alex and Tom for allowing their characters to take part in this anthology/novel-in-short-stories project.
Look for it around the end of October.
***
Bob and Grace
Bob: Grace, I haven’t heard you make jokes about the government for awhile; what’s the matter?
Grace: With grocery and gas prices rising, losing a war to Iran we started, importing beef we know nothing about, contaminating fruits and vegetables, starting a cold war with Canada, renaming Lake Ontario, trying to build helipads and ballrooms and redecorating everything with his name, who can compete with this clown?
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On Writing: Even writers take a vacation, sort of
Yes, I’m hard at work on all of the above, but Glorious and I, and Sonny Mehlman, took time for a vacation last week.
For all of 36 hours.
And even on vacation, we were still working.
First of all, Chief of Security Sonny Mehlman kept vigilant watch:
And we did research all the way there and back, listening to the excellent horror noir audio book Grim Death and the Electrocuted Criminal by our friend Thomas Sniegoski.
It is available wherever podcasts are, and it is highly recommended by all three of us.
And just to add to his legend, Sonny kept vigilant even though he was truly pissed at us for staying up to the ungodly time of 11:30 pm.
You know them writer families on vacation just go buck wild.
***
Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,
To the last syllable of recorded time;
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player,
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.
—William Shakespeare, Macbeth
*** Feel free to share this with anyone you think would enjoy it. Thanks.
Awright, thanks for stopping by. Talk atcha next week.
Lanterns, episode 3 challenges the audience to pay attention in ways we may not be used to no matter who we are. In service of a superhero story, we are asked to wrestle with questions about what makes a hero, what renders that hero heroic, which path is a justifiable road, what is acceptable behavior from anyone in service of the greater good, and how what we’ve come to expect from such stories can be used as slight of hand in the service of entertaining and engaging an audience.
However, the answers Lanterns have provided are all close-up magic.
So far in this show, we’ve been shown an allegedly reckless, possibly careless, defensive “hero” in Hal Jordan. He’s repeatedly shown breaking rules, disrespecting authority, and playing the fool when he should be acting like a hero. This space-travelling hero who has dealt with aliens of every shade of the rainbow, is also presented as someone guilty of at least white privilege, at worse racially obtuse pop culture references.
This is all slight of hand.
We’re also shown John Stewart, a second-generation candidate for Green Lantern, who, on the surface, demonstrates every quality we might think of as heroic. He’s brave, stoic, intelligent, serious, well-trained, fearless, patient, and is not going to break for anyone. He’s willing to take the hard road for the greater good, even if it diminishes his own standing (dishonorable discharge), and he has no quit, whether it be in the face of clearly abusive parental training, clearly abusive manipulating from the military to cover up uncomfortable politics, or clear abuse from his alleged trainer, Hal Jordan.
This is all slight of hand.
And we’ve seen the Guardians are a flawed species (they made the Manhunters, and recruited humans without any read on the complexities of human cultures. for examples) who present as in control, corporate, and privileged, appearing as a green light and disembodied voice in the middle of the night, elevating humans without introduction, and asking if they’re scared, not understanding that past experience defines how that question will be answered. The result? The show would have us believe the Guardians do not approve of Hal Jordan, misread those who “failed”, especially the Stewarts, and want to use one (John Stewart) to replace the other (Jordan) as a better fit for their organization.
This is all slight of hand.
We are also led to believe there are two or three opposing forces —the ranch militia, the angry survivors of a massacred planet, and the Manhunters themselves, all gearing up for a battle that, by 2026, will leave the ranch leveled and Hal Jordan dead from a bullet to the head (the latter known in this column as the Tom King turd).
Most of this is slight of hand, I think, with the exception of the turd, which is a tragic self-own any way we look at it.
How is all of this slight of hand?
Think of Hal Jordan as Space Columbo (some youngins might have to Google Columbo) playing the fool to distract everyone from what he’s really doing — his job.
Here’s my take on the “evidence” provided:
Hal’s going to a strip club and “running into” a Congressman who drunkenly tells him the location of a notorious gun lord or terrorist or whomever John Stewart was staking out for nine months? All a ruse to take that guy off the board before he could do more harm.
Dropping that international criminal off at Guantanamo? An eye poke to the governments allowing such a threat to run around free.
Manufacturing money to play a juke box? Rather than an abuse of power, it puts into action an unorthodox plan that, eventually, got Hal in a room with an alien and allowed Hal to save the entire town for Rushville, and maybe more. Stupid plan, huh?
Hal’s ill-considered comment, “You’re like the mid-west Huxtables”? He made that comment in 2016. Bill Cosby’s crimes became widely known in 2014-15. There is a valid interpretation that Hal was saying the Stewarts present as a perfect family, but Hal saw the bullet holes on his way in, he’s done due diligence on John Stewart and he knows how the kid was trained. He’s saying there is a darkness to that presentation (which we witnessed all through episode 3).
Less of a racist comment and more of a Columbo-esque compliment that reveals the crime.
And his abuse of John Stewart. He knows the Guardians selected him and, like John, he knows why. Hal knows he’s a pain in the ass to the Guardians because he is the one thing they cannot stand, independence. He does what he believes is right and get the job done his way. Not theirs. It may very well turn out to be that Hal knows John Stewart is his replacement, or at least that is the plan, but he’ll be damned if he’s going to let them mold John into their preferred kind of Lantern, especially since they have repeatedly demonstrated they do not have a sensitivity for culture, human or other wise (Need proof? See the Stewarts and the other candidates questioned, and, ahem, their creation of the Manhunters).
That makes him a Green Lantern.
And John Stewart?
He’s more than the pliant, chain-of-command following servant the Guardians believe him to be. He’s more than the fearless warrior his parents abusively made him to be. He’s more than the asset-turned-pawn the military trained him to be. John Stewart knows he can work within any system to become what he wants, and who he wants, to be. And that is someone who does the most good in even the most difficult circumstances no matter the weight that puts on his shoulders.
That makes him a Green Lantern.
Yes, they are on a collision course. That is almost dried up superhero trope at this point. Yes, they are almost polar opposites. That makes them perfect foils for each other, as were Green Lantern and Green Arrow in the classic Hard Travelin’ Heroes run by Denny O’Neill and Neal Adams. And yes they are going to fight side-by-side, having each other’s backs when whatever opposing forces descend on the ill-fated ranch.
All of which makes for a great slight-of-hand trick/tremendous story.
But what about Hal being dead in 2026, and “Guy Gardner has Hal’s ring”, both told to us by Tom King? Well, he is either going to resolve both in great plot twists so satisfying we consider forgiving his dropping of turds on this promising season, or his stank will ruin it all and we’ll hate him forever.
No pressure, Tom. The CIA might take you back. I hear their desperate.
Finally, both the ebook and paperback formats have been approved by Amazon. Our annual summer issue is just making it into the last rays of the season! Happily, the stories and poems and panel and essay features are all outstanding. Ebook available now – $2.99 through Labor Day Paperback available 09/03 https://a.co/d/0hHQSixF
Chris Ryan 