Pandemic Plusses: Marisa Tomei Saved the Day

The abyss can just grab us these days, pull is into the Coronavirus blues when least expected. You have been warned.

But the most unexpected magic can lift us up just as surprisingly. You have been encouraged.

It happened to me. Early morning tea ritualistically revives me the way coffee works on most humans. Barry’s Irish, thank ye very much. A nice cuppa before sunrise and I am ready for the adventure, God bless St. Caffeine.

Not today. I was pulled under. Plunged into the abyss by morning news and The Grind. Couldn’t shake it. Ran to the safety of the DVR but it wasn’t holding any joy for me there. Flipping stations made it worse. Nothing gave joy. Nothing hit that little war, sunny spot in the heart.

And then there she was. Marisa Tomei. Called to the stand for the climax of My Cousin Vinny. Tomei embodied the character of Mona Lisa Vito with such zest and joy she rendered her contagious. Watching the climatic scene (YouTube “My Cousin Vinny The Defense is Wrong”) where she espouses the unique qualities of rear wheel differential and something she calls posatraction never fails to release the sun I mentioned not too long ago.

Tomei in full Mona Lisa mode.

So thank you, Marisa Tomei, for picking me up and energizing me to face The Grind today.

We all have our personal favorites – scenes or films that never fail to make us feel better, like comfort food for the soul. In these weird, trying times, don’t hesitate to go to one of yours when needed.

I write this series in hopes of helping others through the Coronavirus. You are invited to share about the topic (today: film scenes that brighten our day) in the comments section below.

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Pandemic Plusses: The True Test Begins, and a Mighty Strength Rises

Monday proved to be a grind. And Tuesday is serving up more of the same. This ain’t last week, folks. The adventure’s gone. The novelty’s worn off. And some of our leaders are wandering away from medical intelligence and the world’s evidence, and instead are fantasizing about wonder drugs and this being over soon.

Wonder drugs? Over soon?

I believe most Americans look at the world’s losses and know we’re not on third base heading home, we’re still in the batter’s box waiting on a terrifying inside fastball that hasn’t even left the glove yet.

We see that testing centers are reaching capacity and turning people away before they even open for the day. That tells us how many of our neighbors are worried, or sick, or worse.

Hospitals are begging for masks and protective equipment that the country could be producing with the activation of an already signed order. Instead, we get meandering murmurs of “not wanting to make the cure worse that the problem.” But we the people look around the world and see exactly how big the problem already is. We know that this nation is not close to being done administering tests, no less assessing the results, or treating the ill. And if we’re sent back to our lives before we have confronted this enemy, whatever we have accomplished will be undone. And the numbers of the sick and the dead will explode.

However, there is considerable evidence that Americans know the world’s numbers, dread them, and are turning to state and local officials, and to their own morals, for guidance. We work from home, educate through distance learning, shop In progressively more sane ways, and stay inside. Tuesday morning saw TV commercials become nonpartisan pep and unity rallies, promising support, belief, and strength from furniture outlets and car companies and other familiar brands. And news reports began to emerge showing still other companies manufacturing medical masks and gloves on their own. Communities are working to find ways to feed those in need, and citizens from rock stars to students are utilizing social media to spread hope.

I have faith that most of America sees COVID-19 as the global pandemic that it is, and it seems clear that many of us are doing what needs to be done. It speaks to what lives within Americans, the toughness to take on the unbeatable threat and get to work creating an answer.

In the 1940’s so many countries were threatened by the Axis of Evil, and Americans turned factories and scrap metal and housewives and skinny high school grads and Pearl Harbor into the steely resolve needed to break the allegedly insurmountable Nazi stronghold at Normandy. We stormed those beaches and willingly paid the price to make the world a better place.

We’ve battled for civil and equal rights since the 1960’s with marches and sit-ins, and we lost good people there too. We defied the noose and the gun and still battle stubbornly lingering hatred to make the world a better place.

We’ve been knocked to our knees economically, socially, medically, and spiritually. We’ve seen adversity before and we’ve suffered hard times. None of it has been easy and much of it is ongoing, but when all is said and done, one thing still stands…

The American Spirit.

Not the consumer version or the politically marketed version or any of the cable news versions. Not the Hollywood exploited version or the scandal sheet version or the hot new series now streaming version.

The True American Spirit dwells within everyday people who love their children and work their jobs and dream their dreams and pet their dogs and spend their lives trying to do what is right and what is best for all.

And in our hearts we know the right thing to do now is to take the rough road, to storm this seemingly insurmountable Normandy the way it needs to be stormed. We know the right thing to do is to sit-in against this microscopic violation of our lifestyles, our dreams, our families. In our hearts, that American Spirit burns with the desire to fight this enemy any way we need to, to pay the price to take our lives back, not for a week or a month or a year, but for the future, because we love our children and our families and this worthwhile Idea of America.

But it is going to be a grind and we’re going to need to marshal maturity and all work together and listen to proven experts and not give in to short cuts or false hopes. Our children deserve better than that. Our families deserve better. As do our friends, neighbors, co-workers, and fellow Americans.

The bell is ringing. It is time we step up and do what needs to be done to meet this particular threat the way Americans always have. Our country is calling for us to make the world a better place once again.

Let’s roll.

We all have a bit of this guy in us.
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Pandemic Plusses: Revitalizing Through … Chores?

I got there yesterday, got so bored that doing battle with the bathroom somehow seemed intriguing.

We clean our home weekly (I am contractually obligated to point this out by a certain Sicilian goddess who cleans like a delightfully manic hybrid of the Flash and She-Hulk), but we all know the difference between cleaning and oh my God, is he actually cleaning too?

Yes, we are truly in unheralded times; I wanted to actually do something domestic. In times of desperate need (or in this case, abject boredom), a warrior rises from his chair. This would be a battle royale and every legend requires weapons. I chose mine from the goddess’s limitless arsenal, kept in her physics-defying closet. And I chose wisely.

Le weapons.

Once more unto the breach, I cried havoc and let loose the dogs of washing, hitting each wall with an untamed horde of scrubbing bubbles. My minions ravaged dirt’s desperate defenses and then came I, breaking their bacterial spirit like a berserker with a brush. (We’re talking about putting in work, folks, utilizing muscles that have been mostly employed to turn pages and lift tea mugs these past few days.) Thumping Peter Gabriel club remixes added a bit of rhythm to each sanitizing slash, a touch of funk to my hygienic heroics. I was a force to be reckoned with, a slow moving, rarely seen, unstoppable tank to the goddess’s daily Level Six hurricane.

Those walls gave up the funk. So did the bathtub, sink, toilet. window, and floor. The shower curtains succumbed to my demands, and the mirror submitted to a near Disney-level polishing. Dirt offered no resistance, surrendering to my bubbling battalion, my brush, and the purifying waters of Isengard (okay, it was tap water, but run with the metaphors, will ya?).
The effect was invigorating.

The enemy vanquished, the battlefield shines with new life.

The energy spread. In each room, the Orcs of Disorder cringed and fled. Even Sonny conquered the couch cushion covers.

“This couch shall be purged of mongrel cat hair,” the Mutt of Might declared.

And, of course, the goddess was everywhere all at once, shaming superheroes, using her awesome powers to shampoo rugs, shelve dishes, straighten beds, launder the laundry, fold clothes, clean windows, recover the couch, and absolutely leave me far behind her astounding trail of dirt decimation.

Thus zooms the goddess.

But I still felt great about finally having thoroughly cleaned that one room. This is my message today. Whether you are an immaculation artist Such as myself, working to perfect a single space, or a Tasmanian Devil lifting the house to vacuum under it, spending some time making your sanctuary sanitary, your spot spotless, your pad pure, or your casa cleansed is a solid defense against the pandemic blues.
So pick a project, any project, and leap in.

I am writing this series to share ways to keep our spirits strong during this test of our humanity, our sense of community, and our faith in life. If you have something similar that works for you (for today, cleaning) please share it in the comments section. Your suggestion might save others right when they need it the most.

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Pandemic Plusses: Sometimes the Simple Things Pull Us Through

Five days in and the pandemic is getting worse. Governors from New York, California, and Illinois are moving to enforce the quarantine in an aggressive effort to slow the spread of COVID-19 after the numbers of sick jumped dramatically again.

Five days in and walking the empty streets of our town without a mask seems so offensive I purchase four of them, and plastic gloves, at one of the few stores still open.

The goddess and I return home and stark reality has burrowed deeper into our psyche. I see it in her beautiful face, that glow of pure love and positive intent is dimmed by the enormity of how much of our lives went away in a matter of days. Our worlds are reduced to our homes, especially this weekend, when we are all asked to simply stay there in an effort to slow this unseen monster.

The goddess wanders the kitchen, from pantry to fridge and back, each step revealing more sadness. And when the goddess is sad my whole world cries. In a truly rare occurrence, she says she doesn’t want to cook. Then after looking at delivery options, it becomes clear none of that appeals either. She roams the kitchen some more, then finally announces, “I’m just going to make pasta and butter.”

She says it with a tone of defeat, but in her hands this simple comfort food is a miracle. The familiar cooking process get her moving with more purpose and seemingly less despair. She makes a huge pot (she’s Sicilian, that’s the law), cooks the pasta al dente, stirs in the butter perfectly, places red hot pepper and cheese on the table should anyone want to add them.

And that’s it. Nothing fancy and everything we need. Each bite warms, reassures, suggests familial love, and home. Home the heartbeat of our lives, not the prison of COVID-19.

A nice bowl of simple pasta, and our world improves. Sometimes that is all it takes. The huge pot emptied quickly, as the goddess’s gifts chased away the blues today.

Sometimes the simplest comfort food is exactly what we need to keep going. What is your go-to comfort food at times of stress? Please share it in the comments below, we all need a bit of comfort right now.

I am writing this series to share ways to keep our spirits strong during this test of our humanity, our sense of community, and our faith in life. If you have something similar that works for you (for today, comfort food) please share it in the comments section below. Your suggestion might save others right when they need it most.

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Pandemic Plusses: The Last Thing I Expected to Do During the Pandemic Was Dance

Outside, a human wanders by, alone. Then no one comes into view for long stretches of time. A geezer wanders by with a small dog and a filled plastic bag. Remember back in the good old days when plastic bags were an issue? Then nobody for hours. Squirrels are free to feast on the remains of an impressive acorn harvest that hasn’t been buried by snow, unaware of all the jealous eyes watching from inside.

Nope. I’m not going to do this. Giving in to boredom or despair is worthless. I search for distraction, something to refuel the soul. Awhile back, my son convinced me to try Apple Music, and while I prefer vinyl at home, maybe there’s something there. The other day I used it to listen to Peter Gabriel’s Passion as Sonny and I went for one of those isolated walks. Very spiritual for both of us. Not feeling reflective today, I search his other albums and come across Flotsam and Jetsam, an extensive digital collection of rarities, alternate takes, and remixes.

I push play.

It’s a mellow, deja vu-laden start with his version of “Strawberry Fields” from All This and World War Too, an album of Beatles covers from, well, everybody, it seemed when Roger played it for me back in the late 70’s or early 80’s. Gabriel’s plaintive voice sounds so right for these days. It soothes, empathizes, offers lyrics that nourish even when they are not his own.

Soon the real surprise presents itself; this album is fantastic, offering fresh takes on classics and deep cuts … and club remixes. I haven’t danced in clubs since the first dates with the goddess (she still entrances me with that simple, adorable dance of hers, restricted these days to weddings and other events), but Gabriel has me bopping around the house, feeling more alive, more lively than I have since this started.

Who dances during a pandemic?

Between songs I feel guilty, concerned someone will see me grooving my way past a window and think I am one of those fools not taking this seriously. Then the next song starts and I am moving again. My spirit soars, and I arrive at gratitude.

We have so much wearing us down these days. If you find a groove, or can go back to one that is always reliable, it’s okay to dance. Maybe not in the middle of Shoprite, sure, but at home we all need to break the tension.

So go Shake The Tree, let off some Steam, take a musical Sledgehammer to the day, get some Perspective, dance D.I.Y., move it Big Time, and defiantly celebrate the Kiss of Life. You will still have time to get lost In Your Eyes and to admit that I Grieve.

This collection so renews me I find myself incredibly grateful for the arts I have found in my life. They have saved me so often. And they are saving me again.

I am writing this series to share ways to keep our spirits strong during this test of our humanity, our sense of community, and our faith in life. If you have something similar that what works for you (for today, music) please share it in the comments section. Your suggestion might save others right when they need it most.

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Pandemic Plusses: A Simple Kindness Saves the Day

This post threatened to be a rant. I had already written a few graphs going off on “weird times getting weirder” and “no end in sight” and reports of this disease “coming in waves”. And I raged that some are now blaming another country and murmuring about punishment. The blog turned to bile. And I hated every word. This writing is meant to celebrate the things that raise our spirits when we need it the most. Instead it was getting dark and frustrated and angry.

And then the dog fell asleep.

I found his choice of pillow amusing and I tweeted about it. And along came a quick response, “I adore dogs.” And then, “He’s reading.” Without fanfare or celebrity or preciousness, Joe R. Lansdale was enjoying my dog.

I decided to play and replied that Sonny was holding up my social distancing reading marathon. “Well, he’s tired,” replied the master storyteller. We tweeted back and forth a few times, celebrating the glory of canines. It was a simple kindness, a shared pleasure, a couple of chuckles. And it was everything.

At risk of being reduced to as crazed fan, please allow me to explain. The Popcorn King over there did not do this as a plank in some marketing plan, or as part of a promotional tour, or to sell his new book. He responded because he got a kick out of a photo as so many of us do, and said so. Simple. Kind. Humane.

All of these quiet qualities are in high demand these days. We don’t even realize how much we need them until they are sent our way free for nothing and we glimpse hope for a moment.

Be kind. Be humane. It goes longer these days than we realize.

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Pandemic Plusses: When an Allergy Sneeze Convinces You it is Something More

For as long as I can remember, every March the planet has tried to kill me. Spring would arrive and every singing bird meant doom, each bud promised pain, discomfort, a lack of breath … then it would all bloom and exceed my fears.

Spring would gift me a cough, a runny nose, swollen bloodshot eyes (from rubbing them), and pollen seemed to see pinto my blood, thickening it to molasses, running me down, altering my reality in what I only later discovered was similar to being high. It reduced me to a reading machine, which I didn’t mind at all.

But this year every symptom has turned ominous, and morphs into a clear indication that I have COVID-19. The paranoia has gotten so bad that my wife, the goddess, the archangel of common sense, took my temperature three times in one day – all of them normal. We looked up Coronavirus symptoms repeatedly, just to check, and each time my perennial allergies did not add up to this hot new disease.

Why are we so paranoid? The media saturation has got to be one factor. I was so obsessed for awhile not only would I read local and national and global updates but I would send them to loved ones, definitely making me their favorite person.

Common sense won out after about five episodes of subtle, tense, controlled hysteria, and I am confident what I have are allergies,

Most probably.

If I am not sure tomorrow, I’ll panic.

Here we go again, and that is the underreported side effect of this phenomenon – the novelty is wearing off and underneath it is all worry and fear.

It only gets weirder from here, folks. Cut yourselves some slack, go for a walk, talk it out with a trusted spouse or friend, grab a book, music, whatever helps you chill.

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Pandemic Plusses: Keeping Sane During The Coronavirus Lockdown – Reading Helps

I spoke with this guy a few days ago. He’s got sick folks at home and he wasn’t taking any chances. Soon we’ll all be this smart.

You’ve heard it dozens of times before – as a result of the COVID-19 lockdown, people are buying out entire supermarkets, overstocking their homes for the long isolation meant to #levelthecurve of cases (notice we are not reducing them, just stretching out the timeline of when we get it) so hospitals have a fighting chance.

And yes, some people were selfish jerks last weekend and went out to #placeispacked bars and nightclubs, but many of us slowed our social calendar, cancelled our schedules, and stayed home. Honestly, what’s done is done, and if you are on board now, great, thanks, and if you are just starting to take this seriously, welcome aboard. Instead of pointing fingers, we need to come together in this effort, to all stay home, and minimize the spread of this very active disease as best we can. The lockdown is real. The need for us to be Americans and accomplish the difficult task of Staying Home is real. Let’s all do our part.

So now what do we do?

Yes, we all have “work from home” assignments to take up some of our day, but what do we do with our former gym or cocktails or dinner out or mall walking or favorite store haunting time? Like the setting of some Brian Keene or Stephen King novels, we’re living in ghost town times.

Penn Station at midday, captured by a friend.

How do we keep ourselves busy in our new sportless, nightlife-deprived reality? Some are doing jigsaw puzzles, or The New York Times Crossword, or playing video games (I heard my sons on with a bunch of their friends yesterday and found comfort in this perfect #socialdistancing socializing).

As for me, I am well stocked in books and music and movies and writing projects. Each day I plan on featuring one of them as a way to offer ideas or comfort or both during this truly weird journey with you. You can get book suggestions through Libby or whatever library app you use in your area, or Kindle them if that’s your thing. Here’s my first:

If you don’t know Joe. R. Lansdale, now you have a treasure trove of imagination to explore during The Great Lockdown.

I have been meaning to read Joe R. Lansdale’s The Bottoms for a long time, and the last two days were my chance. With seasonal allergies teaming up with The Great Lockdown to limit what I could do (and completely freak me out), reading seemed like a great alternative to despair. And The Bottoms delivered.

I have a personal list of Underrated American Classics topped by To Kill a Mockingbird and True Grit, with The Outsiders and many others included. The criteria is that the books have to resonate, especially if the professors don’t acknowledge them. (I’ll post that list and maybe we can add to it together some time soon.) I believe The Bottoms deserves a place near the first two on the list. All three have young, innocent protagonists forced to see the world fortune imperfect mess that it is. All three house the American Ideal in these protagonists, pitting them against the ugly American reality as antagonist. While The Bottoms is clearly the slightly older, much darker cousin to these others, it should still be required reading for those of us who believe in or are fascinated by this ongoing struggle.

What are you reading during The Great Lockdown? Let’s get some ideas together for everyone to share. We’re in this together, so we might as well use our love of reading to help us through.

Let me know what you are reading in the comments section.

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Testing, Testing….

I have had months of problems with publishing on this blog and very little time to work to correct it (happy problem: writing deadlines! Yay!)

So here’s a test post and a reminder: I am a husband and father first, an author and teacher second, a podcaster whose audience is mostly still waiting to discover my partner and I, and a deep believer in the Idea of America. I believe in trying hard and being able to achieve. I believe in working people with the every day blue collar ethics of doing the job, proving your worth, and loving your family as best you can. I believe in mistakes as opportunities for growth rather than cancellation. I believe we have more in common than we have differences. I believe all of this contributes to the Idea of America.

That idea is in trouble right now.

It is threatened by con artists (they know who they are), politicians (I don’t trust any of them), 24-hour News cycles (no matter what you watch they program you), and social media (good ideas twisted too often into hellscapes of accusations and trolling -and yeah, I know I am on social media right now). On each of these levels when personal or professional gain is put before public service, we all lose.

But that’s just my opinion. Should you disagree, thanks for stopping by, no offense intended, wish we could have engaged in a healthy, constructive conversation. If you don’t mind this perspective, and if you accept that I usually won’t even post about politics, preferring pop culture and story, then I hope you will comment, and come on by again.

There’s enough hate around without us adding to it here.

Peace.

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Go Bráth (‘Til Doomsday) A Mallory and Gunner Short Story By Christopher Ryan

“They cheered their own deaths.” Detective Frank Mallory spat out the words like the poison they were.

“They thought it was part of the parade.” Detective Alberto “Gunner” Gennaro, his partner in the Major Case Squad, tried to ease the bitter edge Mallory clearly had in his voice. His partner tended to struggle with the emotional toll of these cases. To Gunner, that way laid madness.

“They saw what they wanted to,” Mallory insisted.

“We all do, brother, we all do,” Gunner sighed, looking out across the bloody corner of Fifth Avenue and 69th Street

where the St. Patrick’s Day Parade had been attacked. Three dead, two critical, another four seriously wounded but stable, dozens more with minor injuries. The biggest single spilling of blood in Manhattan in over ten years.

And it had all started so beautifully.

After such a long, harsh winter, many thought the parade wouldn’t happen, forecasters had been predicting yet another snowstorm, or, best case scenario, freezing rain, something horrible and depressing like the city had been locked into for weeks.

If only NYC could only have been so lucky.

Instead, it was crisp blue skies, the sun working to warm a slight chill out of the breeze, urging temperatures into the mid-sixties, warm for mid-March in New York City, and a gift of a day for the parade.

The marching bands lined up, bass drummers booming, bagpipers filling the day with their signature sound, and even a few Glockenspiels tinkled. School band after school band marched blaring joyfully. Smiling young Irish step dancers bounced and twirled. Older, more serious fraternal society bands strode with fierce pride. Civil service Irish societies, their membership beginning to age out a bit, held fast to their significant presence.

The NYPD had their bagpipers, as did the NYFD. The Corrections Department was there, as were construction locals and the teachers, so many groups from all over the city, the surrounding New York counties, and neighboring states. All marching. All proud. All Irish, at least for today.

And, of course, the Hibernians, organizers and hosts of this New York tradition, oversaw the over 250-year-old event.

More than anything, the St. Patrick’s Day Parade was a blue collar event, supported overwhelmingly by working people from all over the tri-state area. Sure, VIPs had the viewing stand, but the crowd was more than willing to let those precious few box themselves fend for their precious selves; the masses took Fifth Avenue, the neighboring streets, and, as a small ocean of beer was consumed, all of Manhattan, turned it all bright kelly green for the day and filled it with laughter and music, cheering and life.

The one percent of the one percent took a back seat on St. Patrick’s Day; this party was definitely for the people.

And to al involved, the parade was grand; a celebratory casting off of the shackles of snow and cold and gray that had held the city down since Christmas. The parade seemed a declaration that spring had finally arrived, and life could begin anew.

Onlookers mobbed both sides of the wide, lavish avenue, cheering, sneaking drinks, wearing green, mostly on their clothes, but some dyed their hair or painted their faces, or both. All in fun, all in the spirit of the day.

As the saying goes, on St. Patrick’s Day everyone is Irish.

With the possible exception of Mallory, whose shoulders seemed slightly more hunched that day, his habitual frown a bit more pronounced as each drunk stumbled by.

“Wearing green doesn’t make them Irish,” he muttered.

“Today it does, you stick in the mud,” Gunner chuckled.

“That’s the magic of the day, the generosity of your people. You should try it some time.”

“There’s so much more to my culture than beer and green and green beer.”

“That’s what the rest of the year is for,” Gunner winked.

“Today reminds people that the Irish culture is alive and well and fun. Then they can explore the rest of it as they please. I plan to start with that redhead over there.”

Truth be told, Mallory hated how people celebrated his cultural holiday. Too many insisted on inebriation because “that’s what the Irish do.” He despised that stereotype so vehemently that he rarely attended the parade, preferring to avoid seeing all the drunks.

Of course, Gunner took Mallory’s morose mood as a personal challenge, cajoling his partner into attending this year by singing The Irish Rovers song “The Unicorn” off key every working hour of every day for a week. Mallory finally consented to attend the parade only if Gunner promised never to torture that song again. The big lug’s solemn vow lasted an hour before “it slipped out”, the linebacker-sized teddy bear apologizing for loving that unabashedly corny song so much he couldn’t help himself.

Not a drop of Irish blood in his veins, yet Gunner celebrated St. Patrick’s Day every year, singing the songs, reciting passages from great Irish writers, espousing Celtic mythology, peppering the week with parade factoids.

“Begun in 1762,” he told Mallory every year, “an official New York City event by 1766, ten years before the Declaration of Independence. How do you like them shamrocks?”

Every year. He did the same for his own people on Columbus Day, and over the last few years had begun educating himself in preparation for other parades as well, the Puerto Rican Day Parade suffering particularly badly; Gunner’s Spanish was earnest but brutal.

Regular fountain of information that Gunner, Mallory thought, and a mountain of lust. That unsuspecting redhead had no idea what was coming her way, and if Gunner’s absolutely uncanny romantic track record suggested anything, she’d probably be in love by morning.

The big detective sauntered up to her, said something Mallory missed that got her to chuckle and offer him a truly fabulous smile–

And then the flying leprechauns appeared.

Four of them, each over a foot long, plastic, clearly attached to drones, flying their mischievous smiling faces from Central Park, ascending with surprisingly smooth synchronized movements over and above the parade, trailing festive green smoke.

People looked up, oohing, ahhing and laughing at the grinning toys and their green vapor trails.

“The farting of the green!” a drunk college boy proclaimed.

But Gunner knew immediately. “Incoming! Get down!”

No one listened. Not even the redhead. They were all amused and pointing. Gunner grabbed Mallory and pulled him under a bus shelter. “Take cover! Get away from the—”

The leprechauns exploded simultaneously into what looked at first like sparkling green confetti. The crowds and the marchers cheered, and reaching up to grab some as souvenirs.

The detectives saw it happen, everywhere and all at once.

The flying wish granters had been filled not with confetti but glass shards and shrapnel, and, along with slicing drone blades. All of it slashed right into the crowd, ripping them mercilessly. The carnage was widespread, brutal and immediate.

The detectives raced out into the street and began triage, but there were too many injuries in every direction. Most had minor cuts and scrapes but suffered major panic.

The stampede made things worse.

People ran in every direction, most flooding office lobbies or stores or bars, all shaken, way too many bleeding.

Those left in the open were worse off by far. Two bled out right there in the street. The legendary spirit of New Yorkers who cast caution to the wind ran to aid others in need, saving dozens from death.

Mallory saw one woman rip parts of her own dress to use as bandages.

Duane Reade workers ran from their store with first aide supplies, emptying their shelves on the boss’ orders, saving dozens more.

EMTs on hand for the parade arrived in seconds, more came within minutes.

NYFD marchers ran from the parade, joining the effort, as did the detectives’ fellow cops, rushing back from much further along the parade route. Mallory and Gunner were deep in the crowd assisting the wounded when the Borough Commander grabbed Mallory by the shoulder.

“You,” he barked. “You two are the ones with the reputation. Find who did this.” Mallory blinked. “Sir?”

The Borough Commander’s voice took on a decided edge. “Find them.

Immediately.” He marched away; there would be no discussion.

Gunner looked at his partner, then at the carnage that was Fifth Avenue. “Where do we even begin?”

John Mutchen was bored. He had selected the seminar because it was vaguely related to his field, and it was a good way to kill some time while Greta and her friends were enjoying the parade. She might be a sophomore in college, but the beautiful girl was still his baby especially since Trudie died. After that nightmare he found himself over- protective.

Greta seemed to understand and agreed to let Dad drive herself and her friends into Manhattan rather than letting them come in from upstate by train.

She spoiled him in that way, John knew, just as her mom used to before the cancer took her.

Still, the seminar was boring, and he had absorbed all he would by looking through the slim textbook they had handed out at the start and were following practically verbatim. So it was a relief when Greta texted him. Maybe she and her friends were bored, too. He’d take them to a nice restaurant—

Bomb exploded. Grace & I injured. Please come get us. 69th and Park.

He was up and moving quickly, boredom banished.

“Sir,” the seminar host called after. “You’ll miss our secret—”

“Page 53, second paragraph, third sentence in. Not a bad idea. Thank you,” John called as he exited, the rest of the audience flipping to page 53.

Mallory scanned the wounded, the first responders, the dazed remnants of the crowd. Of course, there would be no obvious suspects. Whomever did this had the perfect cover for escape — a panicked mob. He exhaled, “Witness interviews?”

Gunner shook his big, shaggy head. “People were looking at the leprechauns, not each other.” He thought for a moment, then snapped his fingers. “We’re gonna need Jimmy.”

“McLaughlin?”

“Nah.”

“Cahill?”

“Not today.”

Mallory frowned, “Alright, wise guy, which Jimmy is going to salvage St. Patrick’s Day?” “Canelli.”

“Of course.”

Det. Jimmy Canelli was exactly whom they needed; an NYPD tech wizard specializing in video surveillance monitoring. Legend had it that Canelli could bring up onto his monitor array any traffic, weather, or security camera anywhere in Manhattan in less than ninety seconds.

Gunner had him on speed dial.

Jimmy picked up on the first ring. “You catch this mess?”

“Luck of the Irish,” Gunner replied.

“McGennaro?”

“All day.”

Canelli chuckled, “I already started on the roof cameras. At 69th heading south?” “Better to try the Park first. They came from there, didn’t travel far.”

“On it. Let me work. I’ll call you as soon as I find the prick.”

“Pricks. With four drone bombs, we might be looking for a team,” Gunner offered.

“Ten-four.”

Gunner pocketed the phone, turned to his partner.

“Meanwhile?”

“Targets?”

“The parade in general?”

Mallory squinted across the carnage, “To what end?”

“Old grudge?”

“The Troubles died a ways back in favor of corporate profits.”

Gunner grunted. “Then let’s see who got hit, specifically.”

A uniform had been assigned victim identification detail. Not a rookie, so he knew what the detectives were looking for. “Got a partial list. Donnelly, Janet T., 38. Executive secretary for The Iron Workers local. McManus, John Patrick, 59, Steamfitters local 638 rep. McNally, Theresa P., 27. Formerly Terence Patrick. Affiliation unconfirmed, but it is rumored—”

Gunner finished for him. “She’s an officer of Irish Queers. Saw her on a Sunday news show last week.” The uniform looked confused, so Gunner elaborated. “Irish Queers is dedicated to fighting lingering reluctance of certain influencers to allow LGBT groups to participate in the parade. All sorts of body painting, hair dying, and inebriation are embraced here, but not alternative lifestyles. They’ve been marching for awhile now, but … old habits die hard.”

Mallory’s eyes narrowed, always a good sign. “Those flying leprechauns were homemade,” he said, bending to pick up a glass shard. “Stuffed plastic figures encasing hobby level drones, both obtainable at mall kiosks and toy stores everywhere. That’s easy enough. But making sure they could fly with the extra weight, getting them here, setting them up and flying without detection, that takes a lot of planning. It would have been easier to shoot or stab her. Besides, the result was wholesale injury. This wasn’t a hit.”

The cop countered. “Unless their perp wanted to disguise the intended.”

“Point taken,” Mallory gave his card to the uniform. “Please follow up on her and any possible colleagues that may have also been injured. Call me with whatever you find.”

“On it.”

“Anyone else?”

The uniform read the rest of list, but no one jumped out like Theresa McNally. “I gotta collect the rest of the names, then I’ll call you,” he offered.

They thanked him and moved on.

“Theresa might have just be in the wrong place at the wrong time, like the rest of these vics,” Gunner shrugged.

“The construction locals? Someone trying to stop a project from going union?”

“The reps injured here wouldn’t stop progress on anything. All due respect, but there was no one of weight hit.”

“Random nuttiness?

Mallory’s frown expanded. “That would be exactly—”

“—our cup of tea. See what I did there? Irish joke.”

Mallory sighed. “Today it would have to be pint of Guinness.”

“That’s exactly what the survivors need.”

The frowning detective almost smiled at his partner. “Perfect place to mingle, enjoy one’s handiwork, establish an alibi—”

“Or create more havoc,” Gunner cut him off, pointing to the mobs fleeing from taverns about two blocks down the street.

The bars were closer to Park Avenue, but those fleeing the parade chaos found all four of them. Beer flowed, as did whiskey, scotch, and so on, everybody looking for relief from the incident, settle nerves, assuage shock.

At first, the drink seemed to be working. People began to relax, text loved ones, make sure all their people were okay.

And then, in each of the four bars, men’s rooms doors flew open, guys rushing out, green smoke following.

That’s all that was needed. Just a bit of green smoke at each location.

Panic ensued; patrons stampeding, trampling each other to get free, to be safe from what must surely be some terrorist plot.

John Mutchen was jogging up the street, determined to get to his Greta quickly. Despite himself, he slowed when he saw the mob coming toward him in a panic. The street was suddenly flooded with people closer than the distant parade crowd. And they were running from what looked to be a number of bars, green smoke seeming to chase after them.

What had he gotten Greta into?

The sidewalk was clogged with injured people. Was this what Greta meant in her text? Or was this something new? Where was she? John looked for young college girls among those running, and then, as he got closer, among the injured.

He spotted four men come together about ten feet in front of him. Two had been waiting for the other pair. They smiled to each other, except for one who looked worried,

then walked casually down the street, not in a hurry at all, passing the concerned John Mutchen making conversation. The worried one was asking if they should just go. The answer didn’t make sense to John.

“No, everything’s going great.”

They must be drunk, he thought, because the rest of the area was in a collective state of fear. What had he just allowed his Greta to experience?

Mallory and Gunner ran to the bars, collecting assistance along the way; a few EMTs, three uniformed cops, two plain clothes guys originally assigned to mix in with the crowd and handle whatever presented itself, now helping out wherever needed.

Mallory addressed their de facto team. “EMTs attend the injured. Uniforms get the crowd under control. You PCs mix in; we’re looking for suspects. We need to find who is doing this and odds are they were just here.”

Everyone got to work.

The EMTs dealt with the trampled. The uniforms corralled the shaken to a safe distance and began taking statements.

Mallory, Gunner, and the two PCs wandered through the crowd, watching and listening to whatever they could overhear:

“The bathroom just started smoking.”

“Same stuff that came out of those leprechaun drones.”

“Al-Quada for sure.”

“The IRA is back.”

“It’s the gays.”

“—movie stunt. I heard they were making a Leprechaun sequel.”

No one was talking sense, Mallory thought, no one stood out, no one even suggested perp.

Then an older man stood up from beside a quartet of young women, a few of whom wore bandages, one sitting on the sidewalk with an ice pack on her ankle. The man stepped to Mallory. Gunner immediately redirected himself to join them, the two PCs positioning themselves several feet behind the man. Mallory liked their instincts.

“Excuse me, sir, are you a detective?”

Mallory squinted. “Why would you ask?”

“You are not helping the wounded. You are not wounded yourself. You are searching the crowd as if looking for someone. I think more than one.”

Gunner leaned in. “What are you getting at, guy?”

“My name is John Mutchen. I was a few blocks away and hurried over when my daughter texted that she was injured. Everyone I saw behaved the same way; panicked, running. All except one group.”

The detectives exchanged a quick glance.

Mutchen continued, “I saw four men casually strolling away, having a conversation that didn’t make sense then but now seems important. One said, ‘This is too much. Shouldn’t we just go?’ And another said, ‘This is going great.'”

Gunner raised an eyebrow.

Mallory didn’t. “Sir, for this to be of value, we would need accurate descriptions. Civilians just aren’t good at—”

The girl with ice on her leg cut him off. “My Dad has an eidetic memory.”

The detectives looked down at her. She gave them a disappointed face “Photographic. He remembers everything.”

The detectives turned their gaze back to Dad. Gunner wiggled both eyebrows now. “Really?”

Mutchen got right to work. “First one was approximately six foot, 200 pounds. Nose has been broken and never reset. Small blue eyes with a half-inch scar through the outside of his right eyebrow. Once wore an earring in his left lobe, hole is closed but still visible. Brown corduroy sports jacket with a lump in the right pocket, possibly a small caliber weapon. Maroon V-neck sweater over a crew neck white T-shirt. Khaki pants with a ketchup stain not completely cleaned off of his left thigh. Beige construction books, scuffed on the outside of the left one, oil stain on the inside of the right. He chews his finger nails….”

Mutchen described each of the four with the same exacting details. Gunner took copious notes, Mallory absorbed and visualized.

When the man was done, the detectives got an EMT for the girls and a uniformed officer for Mr. Mutchen, asking him to repeat the statement he’d made to them. Mutchen

agreed, and pointed out the direction the men went.

Mallory, Gunner and the two PCs headed that way, each taking a side of the street to cover.

“A bit much for a prank,” Gunner began when the partners were walking up their side.

“Agreed.”

“The bar chaos blocks the majority of cops walking the parade from progressing further into Manhattan.”

Mallory nodded. “I’m thinking the same thing.”

“Whatever they have planned has to be executed in a very short amount of time.” “Clock is definitely ticking. The crowd back there is already calming down,”

Mallory said. “So what’s nearby that is worth all this trouble?”

The detectives scanned the buildings before them, settling on an impressively exclusive bank on the corner.

The partners never said a word, they just strolled, staggering once in awhile as if they’d had a few too many green beers to steady their nerves and were now wandering toward the train back to the ‘burbs. They passed within ten feet of the guy in the window.

Gunner spoke quietly, not looking at Mallory,

“Approximately six foot.”

“A little light for 200 pounds, but close.”

“Someone disliked that beak, brother. Maybe with a pool cue.”

“Eyebrow scar is right where it should be,” Mallory mumbled, passing so close there was just glass between the detectives and their target. “Jacket, sweater, T-shirt. Check.”

Gunner watched the suspect go into his pocket, thinking for a second they’d been made. Then the guy brought out a big wadded up bandana and wiped his sweating brow. He stuffed it back. Raised his empty hand to his mouth. Bit the nail of his ring finger, lost in thought.

“God bless eidetic memory,” Gunner chuckled. “If we’re right, they are pulling their heist right now. No time for backups.”

“It would be stupid to try this without support,” Mallory shook his head. “Thank God those PC guys have us,” Gunner smiled, waving them over. “You brief them, I got an idea,” he said wandering toward a sidewalk souvenir salesman.

Their team was in place, and working well, a still worried Luke observed, trying desperately to ease the tension as the seconds ticked away. So close. So damned close.

Wilford ran the job. He was the planner, the exec, the job creator, as he liked to say.

Ronnie was assigned to grab the VP and their target, force them back into open the vault.

Ray, their best shooter, coolest head, sharpest eye, covered everyone with a tech nine.

Luke was the street lookout.

This would work, he told himself, slapping at the sweat under his nose. Just like Wilford had shown them. They weren’t small time thugs, they were an executive board. They had a business plan. They had invested time and assets. Everything had worked well so far.

Just under three minutes and they could retire, he told himself, fighting an urge to puke. You cannot succeed without risk, that’s what Wilford preached. Can’t achieve without having skin in the game. This was the price of success. Wilford had taught them all of that, wanted them to live by it. Luke was hanging on to Wilford’s philosophy and trying not to faint.

It was Wilford’s vision that tipped them off to the widow Branchley’s weekly ritual. She had inherited the Branchley’s Confections fortune when her husband’s heart gave out. Legend held that Widow Branchley had turned up the volume on their 75-inch television when she heard a thud in the luxurious penthouse bathroom, utilizing her favorite station’s business report to better ignore his subsequent strained cries for help, thus securing her promotion to president of that company and sole executor of its fortune.

This was how the rich ascended, Wilford taught them. Succeed by any means necessary. Only the brave can thrive. Only the strong arrive.

Wilford did insist on referring to them as the “executive board” of a company he called Progressive Ventures Limited. PVL was designed to ascend like any major corporation, building on smaller

projects to acquire personal fortunes. The only difference was PVL would attempt this ascension in a single day.

Today, in fact.

The Flying Leprechaun Amusement was a brand that would excite interest, Wilford had promised. Then the spin off of one popular aspect of that project, the green smoke, in this case, would generate secondary interest and widen brand recognition.

And then they would diversify, utilizing momentum generated from these projects to mount a hostile takeover of Branchley Confections’ assets, namely acquiring the widow’s “girls” — her collection of rare jewels, which she visited once a week at this time like clockwork, holidays be damned.

Each member of the team had agreed to take control of one asset as Wilford put it.

Luke, the youngest member of PVL, was assigned the lowest asset: blue garnets from Madagascar worth $1.5 million per carat. She had three of them, two carats each. Ray would take on the serendibite gemstones from Mogok in north Burma. Of these, the widow owned four three carat stones, estimated at $1.8 to $2 million per carat. Ronnie would take over the red diamonds account. Widow Branchley currently owned two of these, each about two carats, estimated at $2.5 million per carat. Wilford himself would take control of the widow’s four one carat jadeite gems, worth $3 million each.

Ronnie would get them from the Widow Branchley, disable both her and the bank VP, emerge from the vault, hand each of the executive board a small pouch. They would slip these into their pockets, walk out, and dissolve the company, retiring multi- millionaires.

Wilford’s vision for this asset takeover actually came from being the venomous old witch’s much maligned personal driver for three years before she canned him for “being diseased” (Wilford had dared to catch a cold and sneezed four times while driving her to dinner on Christmas Day, two years ago). Ever since then, Wilford spent his time studying corporate strategies, acquired skilled assets like Luke himself, created his business plan. And PVL was born.

But Luke should be doing his job. He jumped a little out of his thoughts, tapped the timer app on his phone. “Two minutes!”

Then he scanned the streets for police. It was clear except for parade drunks. Even they were wandering away. “Streets are emptying,” he called out.

Wilford didn’t like that news. “This is New York City, Lucas, one of the most densely populated centers in the world. If no one is on the street, we are in trouble.”

Luke’s stomach lurched. He hated worrying Wilford. “There’s people, of course there are,” he switched gears. “Just no obstacles, I mean.”

“Keep watching,” Wilford ordered.

“One minute left!”

Ronnie emerged, shook their hands, delivering a small velvety pouch each time. This was it. They were rich. All that remained was for them to mix into the city

crowds as successful entrepreneurs.

Wilford gave the signal. They departed.

The sun felt warm, inviting them into their new life. Success felt thrilling—

And then someone threw a plastic leprechaun at them. All four jumped, covering up as if expecting pain.

When they looked up, a big sloppy man was pointing a gun at them. “Police. Drop that weapon or we will drop you without hesitation.”

There was another guy to their right, two more to their left, guns in one hand, cuffs in the other.

Ray dropped their only weapon.

“Lucas,” Wilford muttered.

“There were no cops,” Luke tried but failed to keep the whine out of his voice.

The detective to their right was holding up his badge and his gun. “You all have the right to remain silent….”

After booking and paper work and all the rest, Mallory and Gunner and the two PCs, Billy Williams and Chuck Stockton from Warrants, it turned out, went to the traditional NYPD post-parade bash. It was understandably subdued, but livened up when the four “heroes” arrived.

Drinks were lined up for them. It was going to be a long night.

To everyone’s surprise, the Borough Commander insisted on buying the first round, and joined them for a shot of Jameson.

After signaling the bartender to pour again, he turned to Mallory and Gunner.

“When I ordered you to find the perps, I didn’t think you’d nail them in less than two hours. How did you know it was that bank?”

Gunner smiled, “Luck of the Irish, boss. Luck of the Irish.”

_________________________

A Seamus and Nunzio Productions, LLC Publication New Jersey, USA

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