Giving Our Sons Away

This weekend was Move-in Day for both colleges my sons are attending. I hate those colleges right now because I had to give my sons away to them.

I keep remembering when The Wife was pregnant. Such a tiny girl to carry twins. By the end, she was almost as tall lying down as standing up. And I was there for all of it. And it didn’t seem real.

And then the time came, and we had to go to the hospital, and it was a bit dramatic, but it didn’t seem real. It felt kind of like a movie I had seen before. A romantic comedy of some kind. Starring us.

And then my first son arrived. He had spun himself around, requiring a C-section, so he came out butt first. That’s how I knew he was mine. And a tsunami of reality hit me — HE. WAS. SO. REAL. So absolutely real that the nurse had to nudge me to remind me to take pictures.

And then his brother made his entrance, three feet of hair preceding this tiny Italian face. Tsunami again. OH MY GOD. SO REAL.

And life was never the same again. My thinking radically changed, I began to evolve, slowly,The Wife will attest, but all of my growth was about them.

And isn’t that the case with all parents? We recenter our lives around them. Even failing parents fail in terms of their kids. But most of us do okay, and we do so because we live for them.

And then some college takes them away? And we have to pay exorbitant sums for the privilege of having them empty our lives? The bastards!

Who is going to inform me about every sport imaginable first thing in the morning and late at night? That guy is at college now. Who is going to look at me deadpan and say, “What?” to anything I ask him to do? That guy is at college now, too.

Who is The Wife going to make waffles for? Or reheat leftover pasta in the pan because he’s too good for the microwave? Those guys are eating college food now.

We prepared for months, bought sheets and towels and text books and a trunk. But it didn’t seem real. Then came this weekend. And it all happened so suddenly. All at once, IT IS SO REAL that they are gone, off to college, and we find ourselves in a new reality.

i keep getting hit with waves of realization that it will never again be the way it was just two days ago. Never. Our babies are gone. Our men are at college. And we have to find out who we are all over again.

Weird how life shifts like that, isn’t it?

Christopher Ryan is author of City of Woe, available on Kindle and Nook, and in print. For more info, click here.

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OMG, I’m Polonius! – an Open Letter to My Sons as They Go off to College

People seems to like this one, so in case you missed it. #collegebound, #offtocollege,
#parents, #students,

chrisryanwrites's avatarChris Ryan

None of the following is your fault; it’s mine.

Intellectually, I understand that it is your time to go off to college, but emotionally my heart has slipped out of chronology and keeps going back to when you were two, then twelve, then an infant cradled in my arms, then in intramurals making a basket, then at the dining room table doing homework, then back in the stroller goo-gooing softly.

So, yeah, I am a mess.

And my biggest problem isn’t about you being ready (you are, as ready as any college student), but that I haven’t told you enough about the big bad world. So, as much as I think of him as a fool, I am going to be Polonius and give you parting advice.

Here we go.

First, your body is a wondrous machine that needs a few things to run well. If you don’t give a…

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OMG, I’m Polonius! – an Open Letter to My Sons as They Go off to College

None of the following is your fault; it’s mine.

Intellectually, I understand that it is your time to go off to college, but emotionally my heart has slipped out of chronology and keeps going back to when you were two, then twelve, then an infant cradled in my arms, then in intramurals making a basket, then at the dining room table doing homework, then back in the stroller goo-gooing softly.

So, yeah, I am a mess.

And my biggest problem isn’t about you being ready (you are, as ready as any college student), but that I haven’t told you enough about the big bad world. So, as much as I think of him as a fool, I am going to be Polonius and give you parting advice.

Here we go.

First, your body is a wondrous machine that needs a few things to run well. If you don’t give a car gas or periodically change the oil, eventually you’ll find it just shuts down. Same with your body, so….

Sleep, get yours. You need to get eight hours according to doctors (at least one of you seems to require 12, good luck with that), so, remember to get to sleep.

Fritos isn’t food. Sure, it looks like food, smells like food and wants you to eat it, but nutritionally? I am not sure that even the Fritos people would argue. You need to eat real food at least once a day, but preferably three to five times a day (five being smaller meals to avoid the freshman fifteen – you want to bulk up with muscle, fine; you just eat junk, it will attach itself in places that aren’t complimentary). Seek out protein, fruits and vegetables. Lucky Charms, Frosted Flakes, cookies, pretzels, Skittles; these are not the foodstuffs of the gods. Try the cafeteria hot line. And eat a salad with dinner.

Water is your friend. You might want to hang out with the cool liquids, but water is loyal and won’t let you down. Water won’t cause a sugar rush that helps you make goofy choices. Water won’t make you crash during Poli-Sci. Drink water. A lot of it, every day. It will keep you healthy, your skin clear, your blood stream less poisoned…

Showers and teeth brushing are crucial. There is only so much that body spray can do.

And yes, many of those people in the dorms and houses on and around campus are friendly and trustworthy – still, lock everything. Lock. Everything. It only takes one shady dude to take your laptop, money, whatever. Lock your room when you’re in the shower, even if your shower is in your room. Lock your room when you go across the hall “just for a minute.” I have witnessed college buddies bemoaning unlocked doors and trunks after losing wallets, leather jackets, a bike, a box of condoms, an entire stereo (while the guy slept off a party in the same room), and, in one truly weird case, a shower. I myself was having tea with a very proper and gorgeous blonde when Paul K. “stole” my drawer and set up The Chris Ryan Underwear Museum. Don’t let this happen to you.

You have always been extraordinary at choosing worthy friends. Please continue. You will be surrounded by thousands of people in your age range, and I encourage you to be cordial to most of them, but open yourself to only a select few. Be aware that some of these people will be two-faced, users, con artists, bullies, or just crappy people. You are good at seeing and avoiding them, so trust yourself, but be aware and reconsider what is really going on every once in awhile. No friendship should be a one way street.

That goes for intimate relationships as well (and yes, wife, I would say the same if they were my daughters). A solid relationship is mutual, shared, and special. If you find yourself with someone who puts a price tag on the relationship (buy me this, take me to dinner, I need money), walk away. Relationships are also not abusive; if someone embarrasses you for fun, yells rather than discusses, is furious rather than reasonable, walk away. Anyone who cheats isn’t worth the air you breathe, walk away.

But if you find that rare person who looks you in the eye and speaks truth to your life, who accepts you as you are and supports your hopes and dreams, who shares life with you in the truest sense of that concept, cherish that person, honor that person, and, yeah, love that person.

You have developed a solid fashion sense; keep it and let it grow but not become trendy. Chasing trends is an exercise in futility. Polonius was right to advise buying well-made rather than flashy clothes. I will add, don’t lend your clothes out and expect their return. Usually doesn’t happen. And you know how to do laundry. I have seen you separate whites and colors. Please continue, and on a regular basis. And do yours, no one else’s. Do a person’s laundry once, s/he won’t smell for a week; teach that person to do laundry, you’re off the hook forever.

Money, money, money. Use it wisely, know in your hearts that it is neither a deep nor free flowing resource. Pay for what you need rather than whatever you want (trust me, Want will show up ready to party, and it will whisper all sorts of ideas that sound good). And don’t be the Big Moneybags on campus, treating your friends with either your food card or cash; at the end of the semester, you will wind up either very skinny or begging Mom to send funds.

Also, be a money ninja. No one needs to know where you keep your money, which pocket your wallet is in, how much cheese is in that wallet, etc. and when you take cash out in public, casually look around and do it someplace where it will not call attention. Polonius was also right about borrowing or lending money; don’t do it. The cash disappears along with the friendship.

He was also on point about fights. You two are not trouble makers, but some people in college will be. Avoid them, even if it means leaving the place they are. But if you find yourself in a fight, do your very best to make sure the person attacking you remembers that he was in a fight with you. Don’t worry about “rules” just survive and move on (eyes, throat, balls make good targets).

Polonius’ final point makes me so confidant that you will flourish in college: “To your own self be true.” You do that very well already. As a result, you are never liars, never fake, never take advantage of others, never cheat, never steal, never bully. You are good men over whom I should not lose sleep. But I will, because, unfortunately, the world isn’t full of people like you. If it was, it would be paradise.

I love and am proud of you every second of every day, and I am here for you always. Always.

Go become….

Love,

Dad

Christopher Ryan is author of City of Woe, available on Kindle and Nook, and in print. For more info, click here.

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The Master has Passed

One of my all-time writing heroes and one of the greatest influences on my writing has passed. All hail The Master, Elmore Leonard.

If you don’t know him, click on the link and discover one of America’s all-time great storytellers.

http://www.elmoreleonard.com/

Christopher Ryan is author of City of Woe, available on Kindle and Nook, and in print. For more info, click here.

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Ten Things That Block Writing, or Reveal A Truth

It often seems everyone wants to write, but honestly, how many actually get the writing done? There’s a huge difference in those two figures. One of the reasons most often cited by struggling writers is difficulty in finding the time. I disagree.

We all have the same 24 hours in each day. How we use that time is the key to success. Take it from a guy who has wasted a ton of time, honestly assessing what you are doing with your time versus what you want to be doing with that time can really change your productivity, increase your output, and make you happier in the long run.

But it is a difficult assessment to make. No one wants to think s/he is wasting time. I would argue that facing that possibility is better than continuing not to be as productive as you want to be. So here are ten areas to review as a way to find more writing time. Are they the only areas? No, but dealing with these will provide a good start toward assessing, streamlining, and improving your schedule to create more opportunities for productivity.

Here we go:

10) Television, magazines, newspapers are time sucks of almost the highest order. Should you shun them completely? Not necessarily, but you need to honestly assess how much time you are spending with them.

Do you read a number of newspapers per day? At one point in my career, I found myself spending two hours reading news every day. That derailed productivity and swerved into indulgence. Same with magazines. Figuring out how much time you really need to keep informed and limiting yourself to just that time can free up your schedule considerably.

And television… Whew, that thing can suck the life right out of you.

Here’s a suggestion: whichever media vice you have, keep a log for one week, honestly cataloging how much time you spend with media. At the end of the week, you might be shocked. Then ask yourself how much of that experience you really need. Three hours of news shows every day? Are all three hours giving you new information? Six hours of police shows, mysteries and thrillers? Yes, you might be “studying your genre” but how much are you really learning and how much is mindless habit or indulgence?

See what you can cutback, and do it. If you find yourself arguing, “but I have only seen that episode of ‘Family Guy’ four times,” you might need a twelve step program. Maybe you can DVR favorite shows (culling the list to just your very favorite choices and dropping the lesser programming) and treat yourself to a marathon of fun one night a week, freeing up the rest of the week for productivity.

9) The Internet can be an even bigger time suck. Some would admit it has completely take over our lives. Time to assert some control. Again, an honest cataloging of when you use the Internet, and why, can be revelatory. Three hours a day on Facebook? Four, collectively, on Twitter, email, Instagram, etc.? How much of that is for your writing career, and how much is indulgence? Be honest.

Equally important, how much Internet activity is done while you should be writing? Hitting social media during a commute or in the fifteen minutes between classes or while on your break or while waiting for a train is different than doing the same while sitting at your writing desk. Separate the places in your life, and keep one area for writing while going on social media somewhere else entirely. This is entirely doable. Early I his career, Stephen King wedged himself into a cramped space in his basement next to the furnish to write. You can be sure he didn’t go there to listen to Red Sox games.

8) Love and lust keeps the world spinning ’round but can also get in the way of your writing. Do you feel yourself getting in the mood for romance (or something more primal) whenever you sit down to write? That is not your loving heart (or other organs) yearning to break free and express their emotions, that’s avoidance preying on your discipline. Writing is hard, romancing your partner (or dreaming of doing so) is a your id cleverly trying to get out of working. Tell it romance (or whatever) is for some other time. And if that nearby picture of your favorite hunka hunka burning love distracts you, move it into the other room.

7) Indulging in anything too much can be bad. Be honest with yourself; does dinner really need to take four hours, or are you trying to avoid writing? Do the dishes really need to be done by hand, the lawn mowed for the second time this week, the bookcase reorganized, or are you avoiding the discipline of sitting and writing?

Yes, we lead busy lives. That is why we need to assess every once in awhile and see if we are using our busy lives to hide from that which is challenging and sometimes painful. Writing is not for the meek, brothers and sisters. Nope. The meek inherit the couch while we write the next powerful work.

6) Clutter can actually keep you away from writing, sometimes actually hiding your desk, burying it in “important” things you need to get to, um, soon. Take one writing session and use it to clear that writing area, and then keep it sacrosanct; nothing goes there but the work. Period.

5) Overcommitment comes from not wanting to say no to people. As a result, we end up at dinners we aren’t really interested in, recitals we would kill to avoid, and so on. We need to learn to say no to some things. Practice in the mirror, it becomes easier. The benefit here is once you learn to say no to some things, you get done what really excites you and as a result, the events you do choose to attend become more enjoyable.

4) Family obligations are often important, but not always. Your sister’s wedding? Yes. Attending the third wedding of your second cousin on your father’s side, the one from Delaware that you’ve met twice? Not so much. Send a modest check if you have to, but keep writing.

3) Poor scheduling can eat up days, weeks, months, years. There really isn’t a choice here; you need to create a schedule and stick to it. When do you write best, in the mornings, or evenings? Schedule the rest or your life around your strengths. And yes, it’s is not easy; I struggle with scheduling constantly. When my kids were wee lads, I found I just could not be away from them once they woke up. I also noticed I was usually up for three hours before they (or anyone else in my house) was awake. That became my writing time, and now i have to keep myself away from morning news shows so i can keep to my writing time. Also, these days I struggle with which comes first, exercising or writing. It is an ongoing debate, but that is the key; battle with your schedule if you have to, but reign that bad boy in and become its master so that you can always have a set time to write.

2) Too many ideas sounds like a blessing, yes? But sometimes a flood of inspiration is really that pesky id messing with you again because it wants to go play. This one is tricky because you never want to abuse the muse by ignoring ideas, but you also do not want to derail your writing by jumping into a new concept and working on that awhile instead of your main project. The result is always numerous unfinished ideas and that never pleases anyone.

Here’s a way to deal with a burst of inspiration: write it down, then go back to your main project. I used to use index cards, now I use that composition pad in my iPhone. So get it down, but then continue with your main project. What happens to that idea? Survival of the fittest. If it needs to exist, it will persist in your life until it does. If the idea does not persist, that was a distraction and not worthy of your time in the first place.

1) Lack of priorities is the number one killer of writers, in my opinion, and that might be a good thing. Shocking idea, I admit, but perhaps we writers are like those ideas we just discussed. Maybe if we need to exist as writers we need to persist until we are, or face the facts that we do not really want it.

During college I would write every morning and then go to music classes. One day the head of the music department stopped me and said, “You clearly love music, but loving music doesn’t make you a musician. What do you do with your free time?” I was so mad at that guy I went back to my dorm and …wrote about it. And wrote, and wrote, until I figured out what he was saying to me.

Aristotle said, “You are what you do most often.” There is no shame in working hard to truly discover exactly what that is. Take an honest look at what you gravitate toward, what lights you up, and cultivate that passion. The most difficult part of doing this is being completely honest with yourself in assessing what it is you do most often, but once you have the answer, your priorities should align more easily.

Years ago, a comedian friend of mine convinced me to give stand-up comedy a try. I loved writing the jokes, rewriting the jokes, editing, organizing and practicing the jokes, I enjoyed doing the stand-up, sometimes. But I didn’t love it. I didn’t burn for it, Not like i did for the writing, so I eventually faced the fact and went home to write, and was happier for it.

We can’t be everything our mind imagine for us. From all those possibilities, we must work to allow our true passion to emerge, and then work to perfect that as best we can. I am still working at mine, and I hope I helped you along in f ding ways to create the time to perfect yours.

Christopher Ryan is author of City of Woe, available on Kindle and Nook, and in print. For more info, click here.

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Not EVERYTHING is about race

On Facebook today, someone shared the racist comments made about Marc Anthony when he sang the National Anthem before the All-Star Game this week. Anti-Mexican slurs flowed, suggesting Anthony, who I believe is a Native New Yorker, had no right to sing our country’s song,

It frustrated me that the comments were so ignorant, so foolish, so flawed. And I expressed that frustration with a comment … that turned out to be ignorant, foolish, and flawed:

“So damn sad. I bet many of these jerks also sang along to Marc Anthony’s ‘I will be your hero, baby,’ after 9/11. But please don’t take these fools as the only voice in America.”

Do you see my mistake? A beloved former student did: “Chris Ryan, “hero” is by Enrique Iglesias. WTF.”

Fair enough. I messed up who really sang that song. My mistake, my responsibility (though not the focus and intent of my message). To my surprise, my beloved former student continued: “WE DON’T ALL LOOK THE SAME.”

Wow, after all the time we’ve known each other, after championing my students’ causes for all these years, after working with this particular beloved former student on at least two post-graduation projects, now I’m a racists who thinks everyone looks the same because I misremembered who sang a song. It couldn’t be because the music that fills my soul came out in the 1960s, 1970s, and 1980s, eras from which I can identify the majority of popular music sung in English (sadly, high school Spanish didn’t take and I am monolingual), and pure country (just too much twang for my liking, to be honest). By 9/11, I had a lovely wife, amazing kids, diapers, a mortgage, a job, and I didn’t spend as much time with music as I had in my youth.

Doesn’t make me racist.

I’ll even admit that the only reason I know “Hero” at all is because it was included on a fundraising CD featuring mostly acts from my era.

Getting older and less hip doesn’t necessarily translate into being a racist. I misremembered who did a song, just like I always mistake Drake for Lil Wayne, insulting my sons every single time I do it.

Doesn’t make me racist, just makes me older, less hip.

But just seeing my beloved former student leap to assuming I see a whole race as all looking the same echoes for me in the comments I am seeing on Facebook and talk shows and other forums. Too many people are getting worn down by all this, our patience is getting frayed, and, most disturbingly, we are seeing enemies where there are only humans.

Now some of you might be thinking that my beloved former student might be looking a little racist right now for assuming I can’t tell Marc Anthony from Enrique Iglesias, kind of a profiling lite. Nah, she’s not a racist either. She’s just young and angry and full of herself. I love her energy and believe in her ability to grow beyond this knee jerk reaction. And even better, she inspires me.

Because right now, so many people are saying awful things about each other, about groups of people, communities, regions, races. But not everything is about race and not everything needs to be met with anger and not everything is a slight or an attack.

I believe our better impulses should be given more weight in the coming days. We need to resist anger, and embrace insight. We need to digest a little more and attack a little less. We need to each be our better selves if we ever hope to raise our race, the human race, beyond these current limitations.

As ENRIQUE sang (kind of), “You can be our hero, baby.”

Peace.

Christopher Ryan is author of City of Woe, available on Kindle and Nook, and in print. For more info, click here.

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The USA is stronger than a magazine cover

There is a controversy now about the latest cover of Rolling Stone Magazine. It features an apparently cleaned up version of a headshot of Dzhokhar Tsarnaev, the surviving Boston Bomber. Some say Rolling Stone has made him “look like a rock star.”

Boston Mayor Thomas Menino condemned the cover as “rewarding a terrorist with celebrity treatment” wherein “destruction gains fame for killers and their causes.”

Nationally, CVS, Kmart, Rite Aid, and Walgreens are banning the issue, refusing to sell it on their shelves.

Rolling Stone editors have responded with the following statement: “The cover story…falls within the traditions of journalism and Rolling Stone‘s long-standing commitment to serious and thoughtful coverage of the most important political and cultural issues of our day. The fact that Dhzhokhar Tsarnaev is young, and in the same age group as many of our readers, makes it all the more important for us to examine the complexities of the issue and gain a more complete understanding of how a tragedy like this happens.”

Still, some Americans are outraged and condemn Rolling Stone for glamorizing this monster.

But that seems to be exactly Rolling Stone‘s point. In the article, he is clearly called a monster…

… and he is also depicted as a kid who fit in as an American teenager, had friends, was admired by his coach, was, in fact, the kid next door.

Rolling Stone is making the crucial point that more and more often, the enemy is among us, and in a significant way, sometimes is us.

This kid was seen for most of his life as a fairly typical teenager in America. That he was a young man who set off no alarms before the day he participated in the Boston Marathon Bombings is news and is worthy of the significant attention a Rolling Stone cover will give it.

Unless Americans can’t get the magazine.

Some say it is the retailers’ right not to sell this issue of Rolling Stone magazine. I disagree. I am not comfortable with major retail chains deciding what access their customers have to information.

Are we not America? Are we not free? Among those freedoms, don’t we still have freedom of speech and freedom of the press?

How does preventing people from reading this magazine support American freedoms?

How does at least four major retailers censoring their patrons from purchasing and reading this not score victories for the Boston Bombers? Wasn’t one of their goals to disrupt the American way of life? Pulling magazines from shelves hands these terrorists another victory.

I believe in America. I believe in the old notion of freedom of the press. And I believe America and Americans are strong enough, intelligent enough, and mature enough to handle a magazine cover, a tough article, and the hard truth that sometimes we have troubled people right here among us.

I believe we can survive Rolling Stone Magazine and it’s cover. I am less sure we can survive retailers deciding what Americans can and cannot read. With respect to one and all, such censorship suggests a much more subtle and troubling problem in our country’s culture.

Aren’t we better than this?

Christopher Ryan is author of City of Woe, available on Kindle and Nook, and in print. For more info, click here.

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What do we do after Zimmerman? Listen to Abuela

In the aftermath of the Zimmerman acquittal, with factions still wounded by the decision, groups still debating what happened, how it happened, what went right, what went wrong, and what it all means for the Americas (white America, black America, brown America, urban America, suburban America, political America, etc., sadly, etc.), it is almost impossible to find The Way.

The Way forward. The Way we progress. The Way we make sense of this country, this grand mosaic that is growing richer in texture and more vibrant in color with each new generation.

Where do we go from Trayvon Martin and George Zimmerman? Do we let the fissures this case created widen until they swallow us and all the progress we have made? Do we embrace the decision as a wake up call that there is more work to be done on this great experiment? Do we acknowledge the verdict as the final negation of the lie that Obama’s election ended racism in this country? Do we use it to point fingers, measuring how far short the other side falls, or do we take this golden opportunity to measure ourselves, and see how much further we can grow?

I don’t profess to have the answers. This week, some suggested I don’t even know the questions. I take that as a reason to live another day, see what else there is to learn.

But there has to be something we can do to continue up the mountain. But what? What?

Abuela has the answer.

I saw her on Teaneck Road in Teaneck, NJ, her bright white hair beautifully done, and her royal blue sun dress fresh even in the stifling heat. As cars passed, she raised a simple hand-written sign, black marker on white board, unified to create her message. Three words: “Honk for peace.”

That’s it. A simple request, asking a gesture of unity, an extended hand of quiet wisdom.

Abuela is the answer. She decided to make an effort to reach others. She decided to communicate positively, to start a dialogue. In the heat, the humidity, the blazing sun, she stayed in the game.

I don’t know Abuela, never met her, and I am not sure of her intent. All I know is she lit me up and gave me directions to continue along The Way.

We need to communicate.

We need to keep talking.

My friends Caseen Gaines and Toney Jackson wrote on Facebook that after all of this, all the turmoil and words and anger and differing opinions, they are writing. I see Abuela in them. They know The Way: keep writing, singing, painting, rapping, politicking, patrolling, reading, thinking, learning.

Keep on The Way.

Brothers and sisters, we are our only hope,

Honk, honk.

Christopher Ryan is author of City of Woe, available on Kindle and Nook, and in print. For more info, click here.

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To self-publish or not to self-publish?

Indie Author News has published “Should You Self-Publish Your First Book?” seen on Scott Berkun’s website. I am in no way The Expert, but I believe, as a self-publisher who has won two awards for my first novel City of Woe, I can offer some perspective, if that will help.

So, here goes.

Let’s be real, the biggest difference between going with a publisher and going forward as a self publisher, is, first and foremost, money. Everything costs, brothers and sisters, simple as that. As a self publisher, all those expenses are coming out your pocket. So, the primary question has to be, can you afford it? If the answer is no (and if you are seriously considering competing with the Sisters, the realistic answer for 99 percent of us is no), that might potentially end the conversation before it even begins.

How do you know if you can afford it? Research, research, research. On amazon.com, barnesandnoble.com, bookbaby.com, and dozens and dozens of other places. Industry websites must be read, pricing must be done, blogs must be followed. You need to learn all aspects of publishing, which Is the exact kind of work a publisher does for you. And you will be doing most, if not all of it solo, while publishers have a team. So, again, the advantage is obvious.

You might be thinking why am I self-publishing if I see a publisher as a better business partner? Good question. First, Berkun is correct when he writes that publishers “provide funding, expertise, co-ordination and guidance. They have in-house editors, designers and proofreaders who will help you. For those things you will pay them a fair share of the possible income the book generates. This is a good deal if you don’t want to find those experts on your own, or have no interest in co-ordinating the entire project yourself,” (Read the full article at ScottBerkun.com). But publishers do not offer this to everyone, and that speaks to where many of us are.

I am a former award-winning reporter who was once named “Columnist of the Year” by the New York Press Association, a big honor for me. I am or have been a teacher, public speaker, and former comedy writer with accomplishments in each arena. As a screenwriter, I have earned some nods, and two small indies have been produced. My short stories earned a few honorable mentions from Writer’s Digest. And the novel City of Woe was named “Book of Exceptional Quality 2013” from Bookcast.com and recently earned me “Best New Voice 2013” from the Independent Book Publishers Association.

And that is both my blessing and my dilemma. With the exception of the last two, all accomplishments have been small market awards or honorable mentions from bigger entities. While I am proud of them, the publishing industry still sees me as a writer without a platform. And today, publishers want the platform, need the platform, demand the platform. In a real sense you have to have made it before they will invest in you; you almost need to be published before you get published.

And I understand this; any publisher is going to invest serious money on a new writer, and especially if they plan to market him or her into best seller status. Any edge a writer brings eases that burden. Thus, the “What else have you done/what kind of platform do you have” aspect of getting signed has become a hard reality.

As a result of the publishing industry seeing me as promising but without a platform, I have been forced to go my own way. But I didn’t jump right in. A veteran editor, a book club who read the manuscript, and sage reader whose opinion I deeply respect all argued extensively that my work was “as good or better than most of the stuff being self-published” before I even considered stepping forward on my own.

I didn’t run to self-publishing, and you shouldn’t either. I i am going to be helpful, i have to speak the truth; too many writers are (not you, of course, so please don’t be mad at me) rushing to publish these days before their works is ready. There are hundreds, maybe thousands of poorly executed self-published novels glutting the market right now, and you do not want to be part of that sad parade. Take the time to write and rewrite and rewrite again. Proofread carefully, painstakingly. And then have someone better than you at it proofread your “corrected” manuscript. After at least five rewrites, beg a real editor to bludgeon your work. Consider hiring an editor (not a ghost writer) to critique your work, and LISTEN CAREFULLY. Rewrite again, proofread again, and then organize a small group of early readers who do not necessarily love you. My wife prereads but she’ll be a cheerleader until I ask her specific questions, however, a cop buddy of mine happily brings a cross and nails to the reading. You need both.

When I did take the step, I continually discovered how much work there is, much more than I can convince you of here, and significantly more work than you are imagining right now. And all of it takes you away from the writing. A freelance editor I respect deeply told my that I had to start splitting my professional time 50% writing and 50% working the career as a publisher and promoter (including writing stuff like this, in all honesty). What she didn’t tell me was that I wouldn’t be splitting the same time I used to commit to writing but doubling it. This is reality; how else can you produce much-needed new work if you write less?

So be prepared to sacrifice social life, television, family time, sleep. And if you are unwilling to sacrifice, say, family time, then jettison more you your social life or sleep.

Publisher or self-publish? The answer might be out of your hands. If you need to get your writing out there, have done the hard work to make sure it is of quality, and the Sisters still aren’t showing the love, you might be ready to self-publish, but understand all that entails.

Self-publishing has forced me to move my career much further forward than I may have gone otherwise, for exactly the same reasons I offered as reasons a publisher is preferable. Self-publishing has made me a better professional, has forced me to blog on issues that have earned me more readers, got me to tweet and expand my readership, and inspired me to experiment in many other areas of publishing, from marketing to advertising to creating and booking public speaking events. But I would prefer Donald Maass as an agent and a publisher’s deadlines, to be honest,

As Mick said, “You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometime, you just might find, you get what you need.”

And so, the platform builds, one plank at a time.

Christopher Ryan is author of City of Woe, available on Kindle and Nook, and in print. For more info, click here.
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The Soft Knock of Manhood

There was a soft knock in the door at 5:30 this morning. A light tapping requesting admittance while not wanting to awake us abruptly as they returned from Project Graduation. There was a thoughtfulness to that knocking and that is when I knew.

Oh, the epiphany first arrived weeks ago, right before my twin sons left for prom. The couples had gathered at our house for pictures, lots of pictures, more than we will ever need, but that is the nature of such moments, yes? Sudden clarity is not. But it arrived anyway. A Mom of one of the dates started fussing over her daughter, worrying about what we discovered right at that moment was an illness she had that required regular medicinal injections. Dealing with this while down The Shore post-prom had Mom worried. Not the daughter. “Mom,” she assured, Sean’s got me.” The mother looked to my son, and Sean gave her a sincere, confident nod. The stunned Mom relaxed.

I was stunned too.

My son accepted the safety of another human being’s health as partly his responsibility.

Both sons did it again when they casually recounted throwing out two hotel crashers not for freeloading off them, but for disrespecting one of the girls there.

Stunned again. And thrilled.

Then my artistic son expressed his emotional response to what was written to him on Yearbook Night. He had no clue people felt these ways about him.

Conscientious. Responsible. Reasonable. Receptive to others. My sons had evolved. They were no longer completely self-involved, acting as members of a community, plugged in.

Then came the soft knock of maturity, and I knew.

My boys have become men.

Christopher Ryan is author of City of Woe, available on Kindle and Nook, and in print. For more info, click here.

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