So this is Thanksgiving, And what have we learned? Another year older, And Charlie’s ego just got burned…

While we welcome the idea of annually getting together to celebrate our gratitude, in theory anyway, negotiating the potential minefield of actually being with family can be tricky. Try as we might to avoid awkward conversations and toxic topics, not everyone plays by the same rules. So here’s a few suggestions for what to do if toxicity comes your way this holiday.

The Sadie Hartman (Mother Horror) – The elegant Ambassador of Horror has given us a perfect technique for avoiding the unwanted inquiry. Out of respect, we go to the source:

The Joey Tribianni – When toxic relatives lumber your way, a great move comes directly from Friends’ best feaster. Just head for the food and stuff your face. If an ugly question is asked, crunch that celery!

The Toast – Can’t avoid that toxic relative? Toast them. Instead of engaging in an offensive discussion or answering a horrid question, lift up your glass and give a pleasant, slightly loud, tribute. “Here’s to Aunt Mabel, everyone! HappyThanksgiving!”

The Tryptophan Maneuver – Used by holiday veterans around the nation, this move may only be applicable post-meal, but it never fails. As the awkward commentary begins, slid down at the table or on the couch, so when the repugnant rejoinder gets verbalized, you are already “snoring” lightly. You can even stir, and say, “Must be the tryptophan. I’m need to go splash me face.” Boom. Out of there. If the bathroom is near the coats, you might even be able to execute an Irish Goodbye.

The Classic Saved by the Dog Move – When all else fails and the holiday is starting to take a dark turn, give your traveling companions the nod, rise, and announce, “We have to go feed the dog.” No one can really argue with you on this because they’ll sound like animal haters, and once you release the escape pods, who cares whether those remaining grumble because you’re safe.

Happy Thanksgiving to one and all. I’d stay and chat but this handsome fella needs to, uh, go for a walk. Yeah, can’t be avoided. Well, see ya next holiday….