Okay, okay, stop rewatching the Avengers: Age of Ultron trailer for a minute. You don’t have to live like this, hitting replay numerous times a day, stalking comic book movie sites for new trailer breakdowns and theories and rumors and interpretations. Searching for some new news, new photo, anything more on a film that doesn’t come out until May, 2015.
There is hope.
You can get your life back by following these ten steps:
1) Admit you have lost control of your addiction to all things Avengers: Age of Ultron and are powerless to regain control of your life on your own.
2) Embrace this truth: Joss Whedon will not let you down.
3) When the desire to replay the trailer hits you, repeat this mantra, “All things Whedon come to those who wait.”
4) Should the need to replay the trailer get too strong, chant this, “Waiting enhances enjoyment! Waiting enhances enjoyment!”
5) Walk away from your media device, and stay away. Rewatch Marvel movies to help you extend your time away from the trailer.
6) Look forward to Agents of SHIELD and the promise of new Avengers: Age of Ultron footage. Earn the right to enjoy that footage by limiting yourself to one replay of the Avengers: Age of Ultron trailer per day.
7) Reread Avengers comics and trades instead of replaying the trailer.
8) Be daring! Venture out into the world, maybe to pick up bread and milk.
9) Resist the urge to discuss Avengers: Age of Ultron with the cashier at the supermarket, unless she has telltale signs of Avengerolic addiction (for example, if she is watching the trailer sans sound at her register, or is wearing an “I love Hawkeye” T-shirt. If she is — soulmate!).
10) After Tuesday night, return to the top of this list and begin again, substituting “new exclusive footage from Marvel’s Avengers: Age of Ultron” for the trailer. Repeat steps as necessary until May, 2015. Then…filmgasm!
We hope this helps. It helped me. Writing this earned me a reward replay of Avengers: Age of Ultron.
May the Joss be with you.
Christopher Ryan is author of City of Woe, available on Kindle and Nook, and in <a href="http://www.amazon.com/City-Woe-Mallory-Gunner-1/dp/1475159234/ref=sr_1_9?